I Hate You More Than Anyone
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: A bored Shigure makes it his mission to find Tohru's weakness and piss her off, but it may be more difficult than he first thought. Tohru is simply too sweet to get mad at anyone! ...Isn't she? :silly ficlet, some Kyo/Tohru:
1. o1: Shigure

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter One

"Shigure"

* * *

Tohru Honda was humming a mindless tune as she walked (nay, _skipped_) around the kitchen. The pigtail'd girl was dressed most conventionally; a plain dress, red check apron and ribbon-adorned hair. She looked cute as always, and was a delightful addition to the Sohma household, especially when the other members were lazy, messy, argumentative boys (or a man, in Shigure's case. Although according to Yuki and Kyo, he was the worst of them all, and perverted to boot).

The aforementioned 'friendly neighbourhood pervert', a.k.a. Shigure Sohma, was watching his 'delicate flower', a.k.a. Tohru Honda, potter around the kitchen with mild interest.

"I wonder what to make for dinner," Tohru muttered to herself, opening the fridge, taking out ingredients, placing pots and pans on the countertop. She was the only one in the house who knew where those pots and pans lived – none of the others had a clue.

_Honestly…_

Tohru Honda looked so happy it was almost _criminal_, what with her shining eyes and bright smile, as though she were on top of the world, at the pinnacle of happiness, so cheerful it made Shigure's mouth ache just _looking _at her.

If he hadn't known better, he would have said little Tohru had just received a lover letter off a very cute boy, or else had found ten thousand yen on the floor. However, that was not the case. Tohru was happily oblivious when it came to boys, and would have handed ten thousand yen straight into the police. No joke. Her kindness was on par with stupidity.

Nothing amazing had happened to Tohru Honda that day, far from it.

Truth was, she _always _looked that happy.

_Always._

Like one of those dolls with the fixed faces.

"Tohru-kun," said Shigure, folding his newspaper. He hadn't even read any of it. His eyes had been fixed on Tohru's back (which also seemed to exude joy to the world, good tidings to men, etc, etc). Not that she had noticed. "Whatever put you in such a cheerful mood? It's only _cooking_."

_Not making out with Kyo,_ Shigure silently added, grinning a little at the thought.

"E-Eh?" Tohru stuttered, caught completely off guard. She began to smooth down her apron, looking at her feet, and muttered uncertainly, "I… I don't know. I g-guess cooking is fun, like… Um… Like an adventure!"

"An adventure?"

"Yes, exactly!" Tohru beamed, nodding. "It may sound a little silly, but I find it very enjoyable, mixing old recipes, creating new ones… You don't know exactly what the end result will be, and sometimes things don't go according to plan, so you worry – but when people say 'I like this!' and ask for seconds, it makes you feel warm and happy inside. It's like you've accomplished something really great, reached your destination, done what you wanted to do. I like it a lot."

"Ah…" Shigure nodded, amused by the girl's heartfelt explanation. It was quite endearing, really, seeing her grow bolder and more animated as the monologue developed. He couldn't resist the thought of teasing her, though.

Just a little.

With a devilish smirk, Shigure leant forwards and said, in a confidential sort of manner, "So your good mood doesn't have anything to do with a boy, then?"

Tohru blinked, bewildered. "…A boy?"

"Well, Tohru-kun, you _have _been spending a lot of time with Kyo-kun lately. Ahhh," the novelist sighed dramatically, "they grow up so young nowadays! So innocent and carefree, lost to a naïve love affair on a summer's day. Hmn, that sounds like an _excellent _idea for a book…"

Tohru, meanwhile, had grown red, realising the other's implications. It was so obvious, he may well have hit her over the head with a rolling pin.

"N-No!" she said defensively, face heating up – flashing red like a traffic light. _Cute. _"I-I haven't been d-doing a-a-anything with K-Kyo-kun, we're j-just good friends!"

"Hmn," Shigure mused, resting his chin between his thumb and fingers. "Are you _quite _sure, Tohru-kun? Kyo-kun keeps staring at you in a most intense way, one would think you were a coup-"

"Gyūdon!" exclaimed Tohru, clattering pots and pans loudly. "Let's have gyūdon! I think we have enough ingredients…"

Shigure continued to smirk, watching the highly entertaining spectacle that was Tohru, flustered and embarrassed, handling the utensils with more force than was necessary.

Her face was beet red.

_How precious!_

It was then, as Shigure watched the demented Tohru, that he got an idea – an idea so amazing it deserved to be bolded, underlined, capital'd, the lot; an Almighty '**Idea**'.

He was going to pinpoint Tohru's weakness, and see whether he could awaken her dormant angry side. Surely she _had _one, she just hid it rather well, and seeing it emerge would be a rare opportunity, like a solar eclipse or Shigure actually managing to hand a manuscript in on time.

Besides, toying with Kyo, Yuki and his suicidal editor got boring pretty fast. Kyo was a little _too _easy to wind up, Yuki generally remained cold and dismissive, and Miichan was insane. Going too far with her could only result in blood and tears – and, well, blood was a nightmare to wash out of clothes.

So then…

"_Um, where's the onion? Where is it? I can't find it – oh dear! In here, maybe…? Oh no, I'm so _stupid, _I need to make dinner-"_

Tohru Honda it was, then.

This was going to be a fun project.

* * *

**a.n: ****Gyūdon is rice topped w/ beef & onion, usually served w/ shirataki noodles~**

**this is going to be a very short fanficlet thing, basically about shigure trying to annoy tohru and make her angry. because tohru is /too/ mild-mannered & polite.**** & btw, it will be /short/ xDD maybe w/ some kyo/tohru thrown in, but nothing serious. la, la~  
reviews, plz?**


	2. o2: Saki & Arisa

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Two

"Saki & Arisa"

* * *

It was a pleasant day for the students of Kaibara High. The sky was blue and relatively clear, save for the odd candyfloss cloud, and the sun was shining, bathing the interior and exterior of the building with soft light.

During the winter months it was common for Tohru and her friends to eat their lunch inside. Today, however, they had migrated to the left-hand corner of the field, which was neither too warm nor too cold. The trio were conversing lightly about this and that, as friends do; Tohru and Arisa were unpacking their bento boxes, and Saki was plaiting Tohru's hair, occasionally pausing to devour a potato chip or three.

"I know Sohma-kun has a meeting with the student council, but what about orangey? Don't suppose _he'll _be doing anything productive like the 'Prince'," sighed Arisa, making little quotey hand motions. "It's just not the same without someone to piss off. He falls for my digs so _easily_, too."

At the mere mention of Kyo, Tohru's face flushed a delicate shade of primrose.

Shigure's playful teasing yesterday had gotten under her skin, and every time she saw Kyo - every time she saw something _orange_, in fact (which had made chopping up carrots for her bento box a tad problematic. The poor girl had very nearly sliced off two of her fingers) – her heart began beating erratically, a sure sign she was sick and not thinking straight.

Luckily for the brunette, neither of her friends noticed the blush – mainly because the orange-headed cat in question (a.k.a. Kyo) was standing a little while away, and he was being accosted by no less than four members of the fairer sex.

It was Kyo's loud screams of 'GO AWAY!' that had alerted them to his presence.

That, and his impossibly bright hair.

"It appears as though Kyo-kun has his own cult following," observed Saki. "Could this be the beginning of the Prince Kyo club?"

"Huh. Like Anger Management Boy could _ever_ be called a 'Prince'," scoffed Arisa, rolling her eyes. "_I'm _more princely than he is! Bet I have more testosterone, too."

"But you're a _girl_, Uo-chan!" said a confused Tohru.

"Yeah, but I'm not a total pushover," the so-called 'yankee thug' smirked, cracking her knuckles in a rather menacing manner. It was enough to make Tohru wince, at any rate (although Tohru _was_ the sort of girl who found Spongebob Squarepants scary). "I tell you, if a big bunch of gooey-eyed girls came up to _me _like that, I'd knock 'em into next week."

"I can't imagine the Yuki Sohma fans being very happy about this development," said Saki.

"Yep. 'Prolly think orangey's newfound popularity is a threat against their beloved Sohma-kun."

"Kyo doesn't look very happy about it either."

The trio continued to watch the spectacle unfold before them; the four girls giggling, looking to the floor, coyly playing with strands of their hair, whilst Kyo grew increasingly bored and angry. One could almost see the vein throbbing in the side of his head from across the field.

"Or maybe," mused Arisa, "they're spies from the Prince Yuki club and they're playing dumb so they can assassinate our good friend orangey when his back's turned!"

"A-A-Assassinate?!" squeaked Tohru. "T-Those girls would _assassinate_ him?!"

"A fangirl is a scary, unpredictable creature, Tohru-kun," said Saki wisely. "Why, I'll never forget the day I was walking along, minding my own business – and then, all of sudden, there was a chorus of tribal chanting and petrified screams resonating within my skull. My waves had picked up something truly terrible and _deadly_. Do you want to know what it was, Tohru-kun?"

Saki's words had rendered Tohru speechless; it was all should do to murmur a weak "mmmn…"

"There was…" Saki leant forwards, voice dropping to little more than a whisper, "an _anime convention going on. _It was horrible – Haruhi Suzumiyas and Konata Izumis everywhere. **And they got to meet Aya Hirano."**

Tohru began to shiver. "Woah… That's so scary!"

"Isn't it just?"

"Hana-chan, do you think _really_ Kyo-kun is in any danger? Are those girls dangerous?"

"Their auras are peaceful at the moment," said Saki calmly, neatly tying one of Tohru's plaits. "However, I am concerned about you, Tohru-kun."

"What?! Is our little Tohru-kun in _danger_?!" exclaimed Arisa, putting one protective round the still-shivering girl.

"I'm not sure," frowned Saki, "but I am detecting hostile waves…"

"The Pri-Yuki girls? What about that student council one, the annoying, clingy…" Arisa snapped her fingers. "_Kimi! _She's being giving Tohru-kun some filthy looks-"

"_Eh?!"_

"Don't fret, Tohru-kun, I'll beat her up for you."

"No," Saki interrupted, hand pressed against her chest, plait blowing gently in the breeze. She looked the picture of mystery; dark hair, closed eyes, spidery lashes. "The waves are weak, and are emitting from an area beyond our school… And they are not _cruel, _so much as sadistic."

"And not a woman?"

"No. A _dog._"

* * *

**a.n: it's saki and arisa xD they don't add much to the story, but i put them in because they're my favourite fruits basket characters xD  
thank you very much for the reviews! i didn't expect to get that many, but i'm glad i did! ^^**


	3. o3: Kagura

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Three

"_Kagura_"

* * *

Poor Tohru had been so flustered and confused over Saki's cryptic warnings, she had found herself completely, totally, one-hundred-percent unable to concentrate in _any _of her following lessons.

Her teacher, however, didn't even notice.

Tohru always spaced out in class. She never meant to, of course, and felt guilty about it afterwards; berating herself for being 'stupid' until one of her friends comforted her. Be that as it may, the point still stood.

Tohru simply could _not_ concentrate in Math.

Ever.

As such, the rest of her school day was no different than usual.

(If her thoughts had not been occupied with Saki's vague suspicions, they would have been directed somewhere else; the hot weather, for example, or when to harvest the strawberries in Yuki's garden.)

Tohru walked home from school alone that day. Yuki had been dragged off to _another_ student council meeting by an over-enthused Kimi (in stark contrast, Yuki had looked less than over-enthused. Not even mildly-enthused), and Kyo...

Well…

Tohru wasn't too sure about Kyo.

She distinctly remembered him being stalked by a small squadron of fangirls, though.

Most likely, he had gone to hide in Kazuma's dojo.

Thus, Tohru's only companions on her silent walk home were her own worried thoughts.

"_I am detecting hostile waves…" Saki had said, her voice deadpan and emotionless, as it usually was whilst taking a daily 'wave report'. "They not cruel, so much as sadistic…"_

"_And not a woman?"_

"_No. A dog."_

Tohru replayed the chilling scene in her head for what had to be the thirty-seventh time; she kept pausing it, rewinding it back, flipping it forward, attempting to figure it out...

"But all that thinking only made my head hurt," sighed Tohru, tugging at the ends of her hair in distress. "I bet if Hana-chan was in my shoes, she'd know what to do!"

But Hana-chan was the one with the wave power.

Tohru was at a bit of a disadvantage, having no such eerie abilities. In fact, the only ability Tohru possessed was an above-average skill at cooking which, most likely, wasn't going help at all; not unless her phantom pursuer had a soft spot for tempura.

_Tempura! Of course! _Inner-Chibi-Tohru beamed, a little 'idea!' light bulb flashing above her head. _I'll make tempura for dinner!_

The sudden realisation didn't really solve anything, as Tohru was still no nearer to knowing who this 'perverted dog' was, but at least she felt at peace.

* * *

"Hello, Tohru-kun," Shigure greeted 'his little schoolgirl' cheerily.

Tohru replied with a well-mannered greeting of her own, inclining her head.

"Oh, by the way, Tohru-kun," said Shigure, making the girl halt, one foot on the threshold of the kitchen, "you don't need to cook dinner today. Kagura's going to do it for you."

"Eh?" asked Tohru, tilting her head. "Kagura-san's here?"

A loud cry of '_DAMN RICE COOKER! HOW DARE YOU BURN MY HAND WHEN I'M TRYING TO COOK THE PERFECT MEAL FOR MY BELOVED KYO-KUN?!? TAKE THAT!!!' _rang through the house at that moment, effectively answering Tohru's question.

The sounds of destruction shortly followed Kagura's outburst. In fact, to the trained ear, it sounded an awful lot like-

"U-Um… Kagura-san's not beating the rice cooker with a baseball bat, is she?"

Shigure sighed. "With Kagura, it's always a possibility."

"_THIS'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON, YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!!! TAKE THIS! HIII-YAHHH!"_

Shigure and Tohru sweatdropped.

* * *

Tohru, being the kind soul that she was (or poor sucker, depending on your perspective), had attempted to help Kagura cook the dinner. The boar of the zodiac, however, had laughed at Tohru's pleas to 's-s-stop smashing the rice cooker K-Kagura-san, p-please, l-let me help you… Please!'

"Don't worry about it," Kagura had replied, smiling cutely like a little girl. A little girl with a baseball bat. "I'm going to make the perfect meal for my Kyo-kun!"

Of course, the first thought running through Tohru's mind had been; _by smashing the rice cooker?!_ She had not the gall to insult Kagura's… ahem… 'unusual' cooking methods out loud, though.

Who knew? Maybe rice really **did **taste better if you whacked the cooker with a baseball bat?

An hour or so after Tohru arrived home, both Yuki and Kyo returned. Yuki looked rather flustered, as though he had been avoiding advances from a certain member of the student council all day. Kyo, on the other hand, looked _incredibly_ flushed, as though he had been avoiding the advances of a whole **legion **of girls all day.

As was to expected, neither were overjoyed to see their house being ransacked by yet _another _loud, hormonal girl.

Who just so _happened_ to have a baseball bat.

Now, whose stupid idea had it been to give **Kagura Sohma** – the personification of chaos itself – a heavy wooden bat? That girl would be lethal armed with a _paperclip, _for heaven's sake!

"Ah! Kyo-kunnn!" Kagura squealed the moment the cat opened the door. In a flash, she had her arms round his neck, a half-hug, half-stranglehold sort of thing. It was hard to tell with Kagura. "I made a super-special dinner for you, so you better eat it all~"

"And if I _don't_?" challenged Kyo, attempting to shove the clingy girl of him.

A dark cloud suddenly crossed Kagura's pretty face, making her seem nothing short of diabolical. "_If you don't I'll make your life a living hell._"

Kyo gulped.

* * *

"Wow, Kagura-san," Tohru gushed to the boar cheerily, helping the clear the table. "Your oyakodon was pretty good!"

And had been, surprisingly.

That is, if your definition of 'good' was 'at least nobody was sick.'

Kyo seemed to have come pretty close to it at one point, though. During the meal he had to excuse himself, much to Kagura's wrath, and when he had returned his skin looked pale, hair messy, his whole body shaking.

Perhaps 'interesting' was more a suitable adjective to describe Kagura's questionable cooking, then.

The rice _had_ tasted kind of funny, and didn't look quite as… _Rice-like_ as it should've, and the less said about the chicken the better.

"I know," Kagura giggled in reply in Tohru's praise. The childish brunette smiled, hands clasped at her front. "I'll come back and cook for you some more, Kyo-kun! May the nourishing meals I prepare allow me to hand you a little more of my heart, my love… My dreams and devotion! Hee~"

"Yes! I'm sure Kyo-kun enjoyed your cooking!" Tohru smiled, oblivious to the consuming, fiery, unrelenting pain churning at the bottom of Kyo's stomach. Apparently, Kagura's devotion was burning a hole through his innards.

"Goodbye! Goodbye, Kyo-kun! May we meet again! Tehee~"

And Kagura left.

Leaving a bombsite of a kitchen and three very ill juunishi in her wake.

"Well," Tohru smiled, donning her apron, "it's time to clean up the rice cooker… And the fridge… And the cupboards… And the dishwasher… And everything else… Ehe." She laughed sheepishly.

Shigure, meanwhile, lamented the lining of his stomach. Perhaps inviting Kagura over had been _too_ much? He wanted to annoy Tohru, not lose the lining of his stomach!

Besides, his plan had backfired massively. Tohru had been wholly unaffected by the whole thing (unlike his digestive system).

Was there _nothing _that would make the perpetually cheerful girl angry?

* * *

**a.n: heh xD it's longer this time. but i wrote this veryvery quickly, so they may be OOC. but kagura certainly is a lot of fun =3  
oyakodon is another japanese dish; egg rice served w/ chicken in a bowl O:  
reviewz? =D they taste good, & make me happy, eheheh~**


	4. o4: Back to Basics

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Four

"_Back to Basics_"

* * *

After the living nightmare that had been Kagura's 'meal' – make that unidentifiable slop (that Tohru still, inexplicably, _liked_) – Shigure decided to stick to more simplistic methods to uncover Tohru's weakness. Maybe he had been trying too hard; perhaps it was easier to push Tohru's buttons than he had first assumed.

Besides, Shigure wasn't sure if his poor, abused stomach/liver/spleen/soul could stand another visit from Kagura.

Even though he'd invited her over in the first place.

Minor details, minor details.

Whatever. It didn't even matter, because he had another, even _more _ingenious plan. Perhaps the most ingenious plan his twisted mind had ever created. Even more ingenious than the time he promised Mit-chan he'd finish his manuscript for Tuesday, and then said, when she came over to collect it, 'oh? You meant _this_ Tuesday? I was thinking more... Tuesday next millennium, perhaps?' And Mit-chan had began to cry.

Oh, what fun Shigure had.

But he wasn't talking about his hopeless editor here. He was talking about Tohru, and she was a different case altogether. For one thing, she wasn't on Prozac; not like dear Mit-chan (although this was probably Shigure's fault for stretching her nerves so thin).

It was six days after Kagura's visit that Shigure decided to begin his ingenious plan. The house was bathed in darkness, the dim sound of cicadas chirping in the outside greenery. It was quite atmospheric, really; an atmosphere worthy of a gory murder. And, Shigure thought evilly, an atmosphere worthy of his ingenious plan. Which was, you know. Pretty ingenious. Not to mention diabolical and stuff.

Oh, Shigure smirked to himself, glancing at his clock (he had to fine-tune everything _exactly _right).

This was going to be _fun_.

* * *

Tohru Honda was dreaming.

In her dream she was a simple young school girl, walking alongside her two best friends in the whole wide world, Uo-chan and Hana-chan. For some reason unbeknownst to her, Uo-chan and Hana-chan were dressed up as Sailor Senshi; Uo-chan as Sailor Jupiter, Hana-chan as Sailor Saturn. Inexplicably, Tohru was perfectly okay with the whole cosplay thing, like her friends wore such outlandish outfits every day (they didn't).

During this strange dream, Tohru somehow ended up on a stage, and was singing a duet with Hatsune Miku. Again, this was rather inexplicable and nonsensical.

The lights on the stage were harsh and bright, hurting her eyes, and the crowds spilled out below her like an endless sea, all chanting her name;

"Toh-ru!"

"Toh-ru!"

"**Tohru-kun!**"

A pair of arms grabbed the dozing girl's shoulders and gave her a harsh shake. Almost at once, Tohru's eyes snapped open, the stage disappearing as though it had never been there (which it hadn't, technically).

"Wh-wha'?" Tohru asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes. They were gummed-up with sleep, and her lids felt heavy, like lead.

"Tohru-kun, you've got to wake up _**right now**_," the voice – _it was a male voice. A male. Hmn. Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun? They shouldn't be in my room…_ - instructed. "It's reaaaally **important**."

And then it clicked.

"Shigure-san?" Tohru asked, now feeling fully awake. "What is it?! Is there a fire?! Oh - and I've been selfishly sleepin-oww!" She had heaved herself up quickly, smacking her forehead against Shigure's in the process (he had leant over her whilst shaking her shoulders). Stars exploded before Tohru's eyes; pretty, multi-coloured things that left her feeling nauseaus and blind.

"Whaaa!" cried Tohru. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! That was clumsy and inconsiderate of me!" Setting aside her own pain, Tohru selflessly leant forward (carefully, this time) to inspect Shigure's forehead. "A-Are you o-okay, Shigure-san? I didn't mean to! Really!"

Shigure shook his head. It didn't hurt very much. Tohru wasn't strong enough to cause him any great pain. Not without a cleaver, at any rate. "It's okay, Tohru-kun. Don't worry."

"You sure?"

"Positive." Shigure flashed a disarming smile.

An expression of relief flitted across Tohru's face. "So that's okay…"

"Yes. But Tohru-kun," said the author, suddenly serious. "You've been asleep so long! I didn't want to wake you – you looked like an angel."

Tohru's cheeks flushed.

If Yuki and Kyo had been there, they would have hit Shigure upside the head for being a pervert. Hell, he was already sat on the edge of her bed, ogling (appreciating, rather. It sounded more tasteful) Tohru's cute, onigiri-print pyjamas.

"But then I thought, 'I can't let her sleep any longer! She's already an hour late for school, and her teacher may get very mad at her. She may even fail my beloved Tohru-kun in her classes, or give her a dentention, or _expel _her-'"

Tohru's eyes widened to impossible, manga-esque proportions. Her breath caught in her throat, and her hand clutched at her chest as though she were in pain.

"_An hour…?_" she whispered, horror-struck. "_F-Fail…?" _A whimper. "_Detention?!"_

"That's right," Shigure nodded. His eyes flickered across Tohru's form, taking in her bedraggled appearance and the scared, slightly insane look on her face. He did a double take. Triple take. "Tohru-kun, are you _hyperventilating_?"

Tohru wailed miserably. With trembling fingers, she took the ends of her hair and began to pull, hard. She still wasn't breathing properly.

"I've _failed_! I… I messed up! I messed up really, really bad! W-What will my family think of me? What will my _mom_ think of me?" Tohru's eyes began to tear up. "S-she wanted me to p-pass a-a-and she told me to do m-my b-b-best a-and now… A-and… A-and now I've f-f-_failed_! I'm sorry, mom! I'm so, so, so sorry! I'm j-just not good e-enough…"

"Tohru-kun?!"

And, as if on cue, Tohru fainted.

* * *

Several minutes later, the brunette finally awoke from her panic-induced stupor. It would be a lie to say she looked completely better, though. Her pupils were too small, her pallor was ghostly and her hair seemed to stick up on end. She looked utterly awful.

Shigure couldn't help but feel a stab of some foreign emotion in his heart, twisting and turning most uncomfortably.

Was this…

Was this that emotion he had heard of, but never fully understood?

Was he feeling _guilty?_

But nah – it couldn't be! He was probably hungry. Or maybe it was some delayed reaction to Kagura's cooking, and now his internal organs were attempting to digest themselves.

That sounded more plausible.

And a lot less worrying.

"I'm sorry for being a burden to you!" Tohru apologised, bowing her head. "And thank you for waking me up! But – yes!" She got up hastily, but awkwardly, and her leg became ensnared in the duvet. For a few seconds she attempted to regain her balance, pin-wheeling her arms wildly, before falling forwards and hitting the floor with a loud thunk!

"Tohru-kun?" asked Shigure, looking down at the bundle of arms and legs, all cacooned inside a white duvet. "Are you okay?"

"Yes!" cried Tohru, getting to her feet, before promptly falling over again. "Yes, I'm fine!" she reassured once more. "I just need to get changed! If I'm speedy, maybe I won't be _too _late, and they'll forgive me!"

"Tohru-kun, slow down," said Shigure, helping the girl to her feet. "Look." He took her shoulders in both hands, forcing her head upwards. Their eyes met; Tohru's, wide and frenzied. "It's not time for school yet, Tohru-kun. It's Sunday."

Tohru blinked. "What?"

"Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun are asleep. And, considering it's three in the morning, I think you should go to sleep too-"

"_Three in the morning?!" _Tohru repeated, in tones of disbelief.

"Yes." Shigure nodded. And then, as an afterthought, "if you're mad at me, you can hit me."

Several emotions flashed across Tohru's cute face; bewilderment, confusion, perplexity (which were all the same things, really) before finally settling upon shocked.

Was this it? Was this the moment? Would Tohru finally _explode_? Would she finally release all that pent-up anger and emotion in an eruption of such destructive force it could destroy the world?

Was this the moment?

Tohru certainly seemed tense and edgey, so maybe…

Maybe…

"Thank you, Shigure-san!!! I have so much washing up to do today, I told myself 'I'll get up extra, extra early to finish it all!' But I didn't set my alarm! I just remembered! So if you hadn't woken me, I wouldn't have enough time to do the washing! Thank you, Shigure-san! You're so considerate!" Tohru beamed, bowing as she did so.

…Okay.

Maybe _not_.

"Tohru-kun, you **are** an angel," said Shigure flatly, sighing.

Tohru blushed.

* * *

**a.n: thank you to animehearter for this idea =D i thought it would be a fun one to use~ yay~ i hope you like the chapter xP you can make other suggestions if you want ^^ i'll use the ones i like~**


	5. o5: Opposition

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Five

"_Opposition_"

* * *

Sunday morning dawned bright and sunny. Already, the four residents of the Sohma household were sat at the breakfast table; Shigure, reading the newspaper and sipping a cup of flavourless coffee; Yuki, half-asleep, ready to collapse into his bowl of cereal; Tohru, also dozing in a zombie-like stupor and Kyo, who was waving a hand in front of Tohru's face.

"Tohru-kun?" the cat asked, unable to mask his worry. "Tohru-kun, are you okay?"

Tohru blinked, then yawned, then blinked a couple more times. Then, with a bright, 'Tohru Honda Super-Special Smile!™' she chirruped, "Yes! I… I…" _Yawn_. "I'm fine!"

Kyo raised an eyebrow.

For some strange, bizarre, completely unobvious reason, he didn't believe her. This might have been because Tohru looked like a very, very, _very _dead thing that'd been found lying cold, still and undeniably dead in a half-open grave, which had then been zapped back to life by fifteen-thousand volts of electricity and stuffed full of sawdust.

Kind of like Frankenstein, but worse. Much worse.

"_Really_?" said Kyo, in tones of great disbelief. He felt very much so inclined to call Tohru's bluff.

"I'm okay! Really, really!" Frankenstein!Tohru exclaimed.

Ha ha, yeah. Because it was _perfectly _normal for sweet, daisy-fresh, face-the-morning-with-a-super-big-smile Tohru Honda to look like an extra in a bad horror movie.

Almost as normal as it would have been for Yuki to cut his hair, become mute, don a sailor fuku and proclaim himself to be an extraterrestrial data integrated thought entity.

(Actually, the Prince Yuki fangirls were known for their strange fetishes. Kyo wouldn't be all that surprised if Yuki _was_ forced into a girl's school uniform at some point...)

"So," Kyo pressed, "you're perfectly fine?"

"Perfectly!"

"There's nothing wrong with you at all? You're not feeling sick?" It would be _so _like Tohru to catch a contagious disease, not say anything about it because she didn't want to bother anyone, and then give the whole house swine flu.

She was selfless to a fault, that girl.

"No! I'm not feeling sick," Tohru flashed her 'Tohru Honda Super-Special Smile!™' once more. However, her quirked lips began to twitch, her eyelids fell shut, and she began to sway slightly. Her skin was literally _white_. "Don't worry abou'…" Yawn. "Abou' me… mom… I'm _fine~_"

"Tohru-kun, I'm _not_ your mom."

"Uh huh, uh huhhh~"

And with that, Tohru pitched forwards and crashed into the tabletop.

Kyo had leant across the table to catch her, but was too late. He did, however, manage to knock Shigure's cup of coffee over. The muddy brown, piping hot liquid was now soaking through Kyo's shirt.

It really freaking _hurt_, too.

"Argh!" Kyo yelped, throwing his burnt hand into the air. "Damn, damn, damn!!!"

Shigure peered at Kyo over the top of his newspaper.

"Kyonkitchi has spilt my coffee," said the novelist morosely. "How clumsy of him."

"That's right," snarled Kyo, "worry about the _coffee_! It's no concern of yours if I need a skin graft or something, is it?!"

There was a pause. Shigure seemed deep in thought, as though seriously considering the question. He then folded his paper, beamed, and said cheerily, "Nope! None of my concern at all!"

Kyo deadpanned. "It was a _rhetorical question_."

"Ooh. That's a big word you used there, Kyonkitchi," said Shigure, miming surprise. "Don't hurt yourself."

"_**Shut up**_."

"But, Kyonkitchi! There are more important things to talk of than skin grafts and super-depressing stuff like that. What of young, budding love? The way you moved to protect Tohru-kun was so romantic!"

Two pairs of eyes turned to glance at the comatose Tohru. Her hair fanned across the table, hiding her face. However, Kyo could still see her pale (too pale) skin and the bags under her eyes.

"Ah, Kyonkitchi. I didn't realise you were such a princely character." Shigure smirked. "My heart is pounding a mile a minute."

Kyo's face flushed a deep red. "If you keep calling me 'Kyonkitchi' I'm going to disembowel you with a **chopstick**. And…" Kyo did a double take, looking down at the exhausted Tohru once more. "What the hell did you do her?"

"Are you insinuating something, Kyonkitchi? Are you suggesting I did improper things to sweet, adorable, defenceless, naïve, etc, etc, Tohru-kun?"

If looks could kill Shigure would've been pinned to the wall with rusty nails, his internal organs leaking out of several large gashes to his torso and stomach.

At least the gory mental image helped console Kyo.

Oh, that perverted dog would get his some day. What goes around comes around.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that," spat Kyo. "And why does Tohru-kun look so… So…" _Crappy? Awful? Hideous? Disfigured? Dead? _"So un-Tohru-like?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about~"

"She looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, for God's sake!" yelled Kyo. "Did you wake her up in the middle of the night and-"

"I didn't do _anything _to Tohru-kun in the middle of the night!" exclaimed Shigure, raising his hands defensively. "You dirty, dirty boy. Tut, tut."

Kyo's cheeks now resembled tomatoes, a harsh contrast to his orange hair. "You're the perverted one here!"

"I'm not the not the one jumping to wild conclusions."

"I'm jumping to 'wild conclusions' because I know what you're capable of! I've seen the way you look at Tohru-kun!"

"I would never do anything so wicked to such a trusting, nubile high school girl."

"You're making yourself sound _worse_!"

A soft voice cut across the table. It was none other than Yuki Sohma, speaking his first words of the morning. His sleep-induced, zombie-like state appeared to be waning.

"Actually, I think it looks more like Tohru-kun was woken up at an unreasonable time due to a childish prank, and then, out of the goodness of her heart, selflessly offered to do the washing, ironing, dusting and cleaning from three a.m. to approximately ten thirty a.m."

Both Shigure and Kyo turned to stare at Yuki. Shigure looked rather impressed.

"How'd you know?" he asked.

Yuki shrugged. "The house looks a lot cleaner than it did yesterday. Plus, the rice cooker's not gummed up with filth anymore. Scrubbing that would have taken at least two hours."

"That's pretty sharp sleuthing for so early in the morning, Yuki-kun," said Shigure. "You could be a detective! Just like that manga with shimigami and a killer notebook and that high school kid with the stick up his-"

"Like that matters!" Kyo exploded, cutting across Shigure's ramblings. "Why the hell was Tohru cleaning the house at three a.m.?!"

"That girl… She's so hardworking," beamed Shigure, ruffling Tohru's hair. Tohru yawned, muttered something, and continued sleeping. "She's quite adorable, isn't she?"

"You disgusting low life."

"Thank you, Kyonkitchi~"

"Hey, you," growled Kyo. "If you so much as lay one _finger_ on Tohru-kun, I'm going to **break it in half** and feed it Kagura. Do you understand?"

Shigure sighed. "So touchy, Kyonkitchi…"

"**SHUT UP**!!!"

It would seem a new obstacle had appeared in Shigure's holy quest to push Tohru's buttons, thus making her explode all Elfen Lied-style, with invisible hands, bloodbaths and (hopefully) full frontal nudity.

Or maybe Shigure could use this to an advantage.

And he was beginning to formulate a plan.

* * *

**a.n: la, la, another chapter :3 i have everything else sorted out now! i know what's going to happen xD**


	6. o6: Kyo

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Six

"_Kyo_"

* * *

"So, Tohru-kun," said Saki Hanajima, her voice its usual soft, vaguely mfysterious monotone.

"What is it, Hana-chan?" chirruped Tohru, as her gothic friend gently tugged a brush through her hazel locks.

The brunette was sat in front of Saki, allowing her hair to be curled, tied up, braided and any number of other styles that happened to take Saki's fancy. Arisa, meanwhile, was sat on Tohru's left, stabbing at a piece of chicken with her chopsticks.

"Did you discover the source of my negative wave report?" Saki asked.

Tohru squealed in alarm, bringing one hand up to her 'o' shaped mouth. "Oh no! I completely forgot about it! I'm sorry, Hana-chan! I should try harder!" If Saki had not been brushing Tohru's hair, the girl would have bowed in apology.

"Nahhh," Arisa grinned, talking through a mouthful of food. "S'not your fault you're a little slow, Toh~ru~chan~ We grew used to it, huh, Hanajima?"

"Yes. Tohru-kun would not be Tohru-kun if she were intelligent."

"H-hey…" Tohru stuttered. A rather cute, distressed look at settled upon her face. "I'm not stupid, am I?"

Arisa began to laugh, almost choking on her food.

"Oh no! Uo-chan, are you okay?!" squealed Tohru. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't know the Heimlich manoeuvre, b-but I'll do my best!"

Saki rapped Tohru on the head with her brush. "Tohru-kun, don't move. I'm trying to give you twin drills."

"H-Hana-chan! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's all my fault! Please forgive me!"

Arisa clutched her stomach at this statement, eyes watery from suppressed tears. Still coughing, hacking, and laughing, she managed to wheeze out, "Tohru-chan is so _cute_! You're killing me here!"

"Really?! I'm sorry!"

"Oh, Tohru-kun," smiled Saki, shaking her head. "What are we going to do with you?"

* * *

Tohru walked home from school with Yuki and Kyo. All in all, the atmosphere had remained fairly pleasant. Kyo only threatened to kill Yuki seven times. The death threats were all rather inventive. The best had to be 'I'll tear your fingernails off, jam nails in your bleeding fingertips, bash your head in with a heavy rock and cut you up with a hatchet.'

Upon arriving home, Yuki went straight to his bedroom to study. Likewise, Kyo bolted towards his room, though this had nothing to do with academic purposes. He just wanted to get changed. Wearing a tie always made him feel uncomfortable. Tohru couldn't help but note the dissatisfied way he kept tugging at it during school. Sometimes Yuki would threaten to strangle Kyo with said tie if he couldn't stop fiddling with it.

Tohru, as she always did, donned her favourite apron and began preparing dinner.

Cheerfully, the brunette began ransacking the fridge, producing various ingredients that could be used to make gyoza – simple dumplings with meat and vegetable fillings.

"I'll use cabbage instead of leek for Kyo-kun's, though," said Tohru, chopping vegetables. The very last thing she wanted to do was infuriate the cat.

Kyo seemed particularly tense as of late, especially whilst around Shigure. Tohru couldn't think why, though. Shigure was such a nice person! Maybe Kyo was annoyed about the newly formed 'Prince Kyo' club, then? If the Prince Yuki club were planning on making Yuki Sohma cosplay Yuki Nagato, then maybe the Prince Kyo club would get Kyo to don a Mikuru Asahina maid outfit?

Not that it would be such a bad thing…

"Oh no!" cried Tohru, shaking her head. Brown hair, tied back in a ponytail, shook behind her. "What am I thinking? Kyo-kun would hate that!"

_But he'd look cute! _Tohru's brain protested.

"N-no! Kyo-kun would hate me simply for thinking such a thing."

"Kyonkitchi would never hate _you_, Tohru-kun!"

Tohru wheeled round in alarm, clutching the leek she'd just been chopping like a weapon. Her cheeks were flushed a delicate pink. She was rather ashamed for thinking such things, and this shame was doubled for being caught out by Shigure.

"Are you perhaps fighting off a swarm of invisible aliens with that leek, Tohru-kun?" asked Shigure interestedly.

Tohru's cheeks flushed pinker.

"N-n-no," she stuttered, hastily putting the leek back. She hadn't even realised she'd been holding the vegetable until Shigure pointed it out. "I-I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. Everyone has their moments," said Shigure.

He didn't add that Tohru tended to have more 'moments' than everyone else.

"Say, Tohru-kun. I was wondering if you could do me a favour," Shigure continued.

"Favour?" asked Tohru innocently. "What sort of favour? I'd be delighted to help!"

It really _is_ quite adorable how she offers to help before knowing what I want her to do, mused Shigure. He began imagining the various things he could ask of her, but such a list would go on all day, and half the things would be incredibly improper.

"Well, I was watching this peculiar anime called 'Strawberry Panic'. Kagura-san told me about it. She said it was rather cute, and might inspire me to write another novel," Shigure explained.

Actually, this was all true. He wasn't even lying.

"Oh, I know about anime!" exclaimed Tohru. "Like Mogeta! And, um… _Pokémon!"_

"Exactly," beamed Shigure. "Although Strawberry Panic is quite different from Mogeta. But never mind!" He waved one hand dismissively. "Thing is, Aaya sent me this adorable Nagisa Aoi cosplay costume. Nagisa's a character from Strawberry Panic."

"I never knew Shigure-san liked to cosplay."

"No, no, silly Tohru-kun," said Shigure, patting Tohru's head. "The outfit is for you. Nagisa Aoi is a female. While I'm aware that some men like cross-dressing – like Yuki-kun – it has never been my forte."

"Eh?!" exclaimed Tohru. Her eyes had widened comically, like a manga character's. "W-why does Ayame-san want me to c-cosplay?"

"He wants to use the photographs to advertise his store."

Tohru's eyes widened even further, if such a feat was possible.

"P-photographs?" she whispered nervously. "But I'm so plain! M-maybe you should get Kagura-san or Isuzu-san?"

"Au contraire, Tohru-kun, I think you would make a lovely Nagisa," said Shigure, smiling. "Aaya specifically said he wanted you to model this outfit. Not Kagura. Not Rin. You."

Tohru felt her face heating up. She looked down coyly, twiddling her fingers. Surely Kagura and Rin were prettier than her? But Ayame did ask for her, and she wouldn't want to disappoint him. It would be so rude.

"O-okay," said Tohru, attempting to sound confident. "I'll do my best!"

* * *

That was how Tohru Honda found herself in the living room, attired in a black dress, tied at the back in a large bow. The outfit was adorned with white lace, and her skirts fanned out impressively.

She really _did _look cute, thought Shigure, if a little self-concious. Tohru Honda; the living embodiment of moe!

"Alright, Tohru-kun. I want you to smile," instructed Shigure, holding up a camera.

Tohru obliged, though she was still blushing, and looked incredibly self-conscious.

It was _perfect_!

"And now if you could turn to your right," said Shigure, after taking several pictures. "Can you clasp your hands together – no, wait. Hold your skirt! Like you're about to curtsey! That's right! You look absolutely-"

_**Slam!**_

Tohru jumped about a foot in the air.

Shigure, on the other hand, casually turned his head towards the doorway. His curious stare was returned by a pair of brown eyes. They were intense, like hot coals, smouldering in rage. The signified only one thing.

Kyo Sohma was _extremely _pissed off.

"K-Kyo-kun!" stuttered Tohru, seeming embarrassed. She let her hands drop from her skirt and directed her gaze at the floor, shame-faced.

"Really, Kyonkitchi, were you not taught manners?" asked Shigure. "It's shocking. Don't you know you mustn't enter a room without knocking? Look at the distress you've caused Tohru-kun!"

Kyo stood in the doorway, eyes narrowed. He seemed delighted over the sight of Tohru in her Nagisa outfit, yet angry at Shigure for forcing said outfit on her. The poor cat didn't know whether to feel happy or murderous.

After much deliberation, he decided on the latter.

"**You**," spat Kyo.

"Me!" beamed Shigure.

"You dare say _I'm _causing Tohru-kun distress when you've gone and… Gone and put her in a _Strawberry Panic_ costume? The anime with all the girls?"

"The lesbian girls, I think you mean," said Shigure cheerily.

Tohru blinked. Kyo, meanwhile, looked ready to tear the novelist limb from limb.

"Yes. The show with the lesbian girls." Kyo turned to Tohru, attempting to console her. "Not that I _wanted _to watch it. Kagura told me to."

"But the point remains, you _have _watched it! Don't you think our little Tohru-kun makes the most _adorable _Nagisa Aoi?" said Shigure proudly. He sounded like a parent, boasting about his child's perfect report card and sixtieth straight A. "Do you think Rin-san would make a good Shizuma Hanazono? They could do a photo shoot together! Isn't yuri love a marvellous thing?"

Kyo's fingers clenched into a fist.

"Alright, Shigure. I don't know _**what**_ you're planning or why, but this is ridiculous! You can't drag Tohru-kun into your stupid schemes." Kyo drew back his fist, crouched back, preparing to spring like a wild cat. "I'm going to teach you a lesson."

What transpired next flashed by so quickly it must only have taken five seconds. To all involved, however, it seemed to take several hours.

Kyo leapt forwards, ready to punch Shigure in the stomach; perhaps finish his assault off with a roundhouse kick. The dog, however, managed to duck, just before he could be flattened into a Shigure Sohma pancake. This was fairly good news for Shigure's above average looks. Tohru, however, was not so lucky.

The punch intended for Shigure hit the adorable Nagisa Aoi cosplayer instead – right in her solar plexus.

Surprised, winded and seeing stars, Tohru flew backwards, skirts billowing behind her, slamming straight through a conveniently-placed paper door. In a blur of limbs and expensive fabric, she was catapulted backwards, collapsing in an awkward, painful heap of arms and legs and white lace in the back garden. As she fell, her wayward elbow caught a pot of geraniums, which were thrown against the floor, shattering upon impact. Covered in bruises and soil, Tohru could only lay there, knocked out cold. To use typical wrestling jargon, she was most definitely 'out for the count'.

Shigure, crouched on the floor, turned to gaze at the scene of chaos in distress.

"Looks like I'll have to replace the door _again_."

Kyo, meanwhile, was too dazed to make any sort of comment.

* * *

**a.n: another chapter xD sha la la! i suddenly feel inspired to work on this some more. maybe because i know what's going to happen xD i've only seen 1 episode of strawberry, and it's not really my cup of tea, but oh well~  
there are a lot of anime references in this fic, aren't there? oO**


	7. o7: Hatori

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Seven

"_Hatori_"

* * *

Irritatingly enough, Tohru's unfortunate accident failed to put a single dent in her sunny persona. It put a few dents in her left arm, sure, and left a pretty nasty bruise on her forehead. Immediately after the attack, she also seemed to have developed a mild fever. But emotional damage? There was none whatsoever. It seemed that Tohru Honda was, quite simply, incapable of feeling hatred and anger.

Shigure thought it was hilarious that Kyo had been affected by Tohru's fall more than she had herself.

Kyo was blaming himself for Tohru's accident, and had shouldered full responsibility for the girl's sprained arm, not to mention the purpley-bluey bruise on her forehead.

It was just as well the cat didn't know he had been manipulated by Shigure. If he had realised, Shigure doubted his pretty looks would survive another skirmish with the incensed cat.

He'd be reduced to a Shigure Sohma pancake in little over ten seconds.

However, as Kyo was oblivious to Shigure's evil schemes, the dog was safe. In fact, he felt absolutely no qualms in teasing Kyo about his poorly aimed assault – something that infuriated the cat, and amused Shigure no end.

* * *

"Kyonkitchi!" cried Shigure, entering Kyo's room. He had knocked, of course. Kyo had shouted 'leave me alone!', which was only to be expected. And Shigure completely ignored him, because ignoring Kyo – especially a guilt-ridden Kyo – was fun. Fun as in poking a sleeping bear, or asking Kagura how many pounds she'd put on over Christmas.

The sort of fun that could get you killed.

Oh well, the Shigure thought, as Kyo threw a pillow at his head. You only live once, so it's best to live recklessly!

That sounded like a good motto.

Shigure managed to catch the pillow effortlessly, much to Kyo's chagrin. It wasn't like the pillow would've done any serious damage even if _had _hit the target. Not unless the cat had filled it with rocks. But no – Shigure shook the pillow experimentally. It was incredibly light, one-hundred-percent rock-free.

"I thought I told you to get lost," spat the cat, already reaching for another pillow. "Go crawl into a hole and die."

"But I have no intention of dying, Kyonkitchi~" Shigure teased playfully. "It would be terribly boring."

Kyo raised his hand, the one holding the pillow.

"And I wouldn't throw that if I were you," said the dog. "Would you mess with a man who would, quite willingly, tell darling little Tohru-kun about your perverse fantasies?"

Kyo glared. "I do _**not**_ have perverse fantasies!"

"But I hear you calling her name at night when you're sleeping~" Shigure said, voice adopting a sing-song lilt that was almost enough to make Kyo get up and smash his teeth in. Using every ounce of self control he possessed (which was, admittedly, not very much), Kyo managed to restrain himself.

Just barely.

"H-how would you know what I say when I'm asleep?" he asked, suppressing the stutter in his words. "Our rooms are on different floors." Kyo now looked suspicious. "You haven't been sneaking into my room at night, have you?"

"And why would I do that?" asked Shigure. "I certainly have no idea!"

"I wouldn't put it past you," Kyo shot back maliciously. "Who knows what weird stuff you're into?"

"I'm glad you brought it up! Let's see…" Shigure held up his fingers, and began reeling off a list, counting down with each digit. "There's moe, harem, lolicon, shotacon, non-con-"

"That wasn't an invitation for you to start listing stuff, you freak!" exclaimed Kyo, effectively cutting across Shigure's list. "Now leave me alone."

"So touchy, Kyonkitchi. Could this perhaps, quite possibly, most probably have something to do with Tohru-kun?"

Kyo didn't reply.

"Yes, poor Tohru-kun," sighed Shigure dramatically. "To be hurt so deeply by the man she loves. Well…" Shigure smirked, glancing up at down at Kyo's slender physique. "Maybe not man, so much as scrawny _boy_. But I digress."

"I am _**not **_scrawny!" yelled Kyo, incensed. "I could beat you into a bloody pulp if I wanted to!"

"Just like you beat up Tohru-kun?" Shigure was quick to retaliate. "I think she's caught a fever. She's not looking too good. Of course, she says it's nothing – she wants to get up and work. She says she doesn't blame you; it's not your fault. But we all know the truth." Shigure smiled. "She's so sweet, isn't she? Little Tohru-kun…"

Kyo winced, as though his ribs had been run through with a sword. "Yeah… Sweet…" he repeated, shame-faced. "D'you think she'll get better soon?"

"Oh, it's hard to tell. When she started coughing up blood, though, I began to have my doubts."

Kyo shot a pointed glare at Shigure. "You shouldn't even joke about stuff like that! It's not _funny_."

"Did I hit a raw nerve?" cooed Shigure. His tones were sugary-sweet, laden with honey. It was quite sickening to listen to. Certainly, it made Kyo feel about three years old. "But worry not, dear Kyonkitchi. I have called Haa-san, and he should be arriving any minute now."

"You mean…" a vaguely relieved look flickered across Kyo's face. "You called someone _responsible_?"

Shigure nodded. "Tohru-kun will be in safe hands, I assure you."

* * *

"Well," said Hatori, after doing a quick check-up on the bedridden Tohru. He had taken her temperature, heart rate and pulse, examined her eyes, ears and checked for discolouration of her tongue or salvia glands, and made her say 'ahhh' as he placed a lollipop stick sans the lollipop into her mouth. After some six minutes, he had finally come to a conclusion.

"What is it, Hatori-san?" asked Tohru. Her voice sounded hoarse, and she began to cough delicately, one hand in front of her mouth. "I-I'm sorry for being such a burden. I-it was careless of me to get sick." Cough, cough.

"Don't worry, Tohru-kun. If people never got sick, I wouldn't have a job."

Tohru smiled. She moved her head forwards slightly, then let it fall back down – an improvised bow. It was hard to bow whilst lying in bed.

"Thank you for trying to comfort me. I'm glad you're such a kind person."

"Yes, well," said Hatori briskly, turning to face Shigure. Shigure was sat on a chair next to Tohru's bed, alongside Hatori. "I noticed Tohru has several scratches on her left arm, and a bruise on her forehead. You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?"

"Who? _Me_?!" asked Shigure, in tones of disbelief. "As if I'd _ever_ act maliciously towards Tohru-kun!"

"Hmn…" Hatori looked unconvinced.

"Really," Tohru piped up, "it wasn't Shigure-san's fault! It was… Um…" But Tohru didn't want to say Kyo punched her, either. Instead, she said, "I-I was careless, and slipped! R-really, really!"

"It's nice that you're trying to cover up for this idiot," said Hatori, gesturing towards Shigure, "but don't bother, Tohru-kun. He has done many things far worse than giving young girls black eyes. Nothing would surprise about him anymore."

"W-what sort of thi-"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Tohru-kun," Shigure interrupted. "You don't want to hear any foul, depraved stories whilst you're trying to get better, right? Gossip is a _bad_ thing, Tohru-kun."

"I-I'm sorry!"

"Getting back to the matter at hand," said Hatori, stressing his words. Both Tohru and Shigure turned; Tohru, blushing guiltily; Shigure, looking vaguely amused. "You have a temperature of 100 degrees – not particularly dangerous, but higher than normal. Also, you appear to be shivering. When was the last time you had something to eat, Tohru-kun?"

"Um…" Tohru frowned, a look of immense concentration on her face.

"Don't strain yourself, Tohru-kun."

"W-well… N-no, it's okay," said Tohru. "I think, maybe, last time I ate was… At school? So, seven hours ago? B-but don't worry, I'm not hungry! R-really! I don't want anything to eat!"

"I'm unsure whether you're just being polite, not wanting to bother anyone, or you actually do have a loss of appetite," said Hatori. "But, either way, you seem have a fever. It's fairly mild, so don't worry. You may need some time to recover, though."

"But I can't stay in bed all day! I need to cook and clean and go to school!"

"Don't worry, Tohru-kun. The main concern right now is that you get better," said Hatori, in a typical 'you can trust me, I'm a doctor' tones; commanding, yet compassionate. "First, you should remove any excess blankets or clothing. Try to keep as cool as possible. Turn the air conditioning on. I would also recommend drinking a lot of water. And finally, I think you should take some Tylenol. Just to get your temperature down."

* * *

Once Hatori had left, Tohru found herself propped up by several pillows, two small, white capsules in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

Tylenol.

Just like Hatori prescribed.

Shigure had managed to find a packet in some nondescript kitchen cupboard, and had given the pills (and the water) to Tohru, with a disarming smile and a small speech; "Go on, Tohru-kun! We need you fit and healthy, because you provide the gentle, good-natured happiness this family so deserves. If you are ill, we, too, all feel ill. Your unfortunate affliction harms us all, deep in our hearts." It sounded an awful lot like he'd been taking lessons from the Number One Drama Queen, Ayame Sohma – or perhaps he'd been stealing cheesy lines from an ainme, or something.

They talked about hearts an awful lot in hero-type shows.

Nevertheless, Tohru had been touched by Shigure's sentiments, and had blushed profusely as she took a sip of water and swallowed her medication.

It was just too bad, Shigure thought with an evil smile, that all things were not as they appeared.

Instead, of giving her Tylenol, he had given her two laxatives instead.

Everybody makes mistakes, right?

* * *

**a.n: what shigure does here is unnecessarily cruel xD as always, thank you for the reviews ^_^**


	8. o8: Motoko

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Eight

"_Motoko_"

* * *

Following Tohru's unfortunate brush with some rather strong laxatives, she had been reduced to a quivering, shivering wreck - drained of colour, like a black-and-white photograph. It had been quite eerie to watch.

"I-it's probably n-nothing," Tohru tried to reassure Yuki. The effects of the laxatives had worn off now, though she still looked incredibly ill. "J-just a side effect of the fever…"

Yuki was unconvinced. He had a broader medical knowledge than Tohru and Kyo, (the cat had been happy to accept Tohru's poor explanation). This was because, a) Yuki actually paid attention in biology class, b) he had the capability to retain what her learnt, c) he did his homework, and d) he didn't spend all lesson arguing with Uotani about his hair colour.

He knew what the symptoms of a common fever were, and acute diarrhoea was not one of them.

He had a feeling that _somebody _– and he didn't need three guesses to narrow it down – had given Tohru the wrong medication.

For teh lulz, of course.

But that was a pathetic excuse, and would not hold up in court. Therefore, it would not hold up with Yuki. And when it came to Tohru's health, he'd judge Shigure far more strictly than any jury.

Tohru was _already _sick, what with her fever. She didn't need some inconsiderate _idiot _making it worse. Especially not when laxatives, if given in incorrect doses, were potentially dangerous.

So Yuki went to hunt the dog down.

The hunt didn't last very long.

Yuki found Shigure in his office, writing. Or _not _writing, as it were. Instead, he was staring blankly at Microsoft word, hoping it would edit his manuscript for him.

Mit-chan was _not _going to be happy.

Then again, she never was when it came to Shigure Sohma.

Yuki could understand her sentiments, and sympathised with them greatly.

"Hey, _you_," said Yuki coldly. It was a side he rarely displayed, except when he was incredibly angry. "Would you mind telling me what's wrong with Honda-san?"

Shigure turned to face Yuki, who was stood in the threshold looking pretty pissed off. His was a face that could turn men to stone. However, Shigure refused to be intimidated by a mere teenager – especially when he had to put up with Akito on an almost daily basis. Compared to Akito, Yuki was like a cute little mouse. One that you could step on.

"I thought you'd be able to tell that for yourself, Yuki-kun. Tohru has a fever," said Shigure facetiously.

"A _fever_?" Yuki inquired, raising a brow.

"Yes," chirruped Shigure. "A fever, or pyrexia, is a rise in internal body temperature to levels that are considered to be above normal. Average body temperature is about-"

"I _know_ what a fever is," said Yuki. His voice was steadily getting quieter, more dangerous. "But what about the rather unfortunate _side-effects_?"

"Ehhhh?" Shigure tilted his head to one side, eyes wide. It would have been cute on a child, but Shigure was no 'adowable' five-year-old. He was a fully grown man, and it was quite disconcerting. "What are you talking about, Yuki-kun? I have no idea!"

"I think you do." And Yuki brandished the empty box of laxatives he'd found in the kitchen trashcan. "Care to explain this?"

Shigure didn't miss a beat. "You've been rummaging through the trash! Just like a _real _rat! I know you can't cook, but if you were hungry, you could at _least_ have ordered a pizza."

"I was _not_ 'rummaging through the trash'," said Yuki, narrowing his eyes. "I throwing away a packet of corn chips, and this interesting box happened to grab my attention. I remembered Tohru's ailment, and how it didn't match with normal fever symptoms, and came to a conclusion. You gave Tohru her medication, right? But you swapped the Tylenol for _laxatives_."

Shigure looked rather impressed at Yuki's deductions. "You really _could_ be a detective!"

"So," Yuki frowned, his glacial expression intensifying tenfold, "am I right?"

"Mostly," Shigure beamed, "apart from the last bit! You said I swapped the Tylenol for laxatives, but that would mean I'd intended to give Tohru-kun the Tylenol in the first place~"

A red hot anger burst through Yuki's frosty demeanour, like a geyser bursting through pack ice. Yuki was readying his fist, but Shigure managed to divert him at the last second;

"And we don't have _any _Tylenol left. It's a shame, for Tohru-kun to suffer so much~ Maybe somebody should go out and buy some?"

Yuki paused, fist still raised in the air.

"I take you're not offering to buy it yourself?" asked Yuki, but the question mark wasn't needed. He knew the answer.

"Nope! I'm busy, busy, busy, writing this manuscript!"

"…Bastard."

* * *

"Ah, Miss! Miss!"

An indescribable beauty turned her head, eyes narrowed slightly. As she was indescribable, it would be a waste of time to try, but… Let's see.

She had long hair. _Very _long hair. In fact, that was an understatement. Long would need at least fifteen syllables to fully describe it. It cascaded past her waist like a chocolate waterfall, shimmering under the dim lights of the commonplace grocery store. Indeed, she seemed too pretty to belong to such a drab, dreary place, almost like a tower princess from a fairytale.

And this princess was none other than Motoko Minagawa, president of the Prince Yuki fan club.

"Yes?" queried Motoko, tilting her head. Silken strands of brown hair brushed past her shoulders. "Is there any way I can help you?"

"Well," said the middle-aged woman, feeling incredible inadequate under Motoko's intense gaze. "I was wondering if you knew where the organic food was kept?"

"Sure," smiled Motoko. "You go down that aisle," she pointed with her nail file, "and they're straight to your right. Can't miss them."

"Thank you, Miss." And the plain woman bowed, then walked away.

Motoko watched her retreating back, heaved a sigh, and resumed her lengthy fingernail beautification process.

She really _was _too pretty to work in such a boring shop.

And the overpowering aroma of cauliflowers was beginning to make her feel ill.

To think – when she graduated from school next fortnight, she would have to work in her parent's shop _all day_. It was beyond depressing.

_Oh!_ lamented Motoko, as she was so prone to doing. _If only Prince Yuki could see me like this, doing the lowly paid job of a commoner! Oh, I'd die!_

_Ding!_

The bell above the door rang.

Somebody had entered the shop.

Motoko turned her head, readying a warm greeting – "thank you for choosing our store!" – but the words froze on her tongue, then withered to nothing and died.

Her lamentations had been tempting fate.

It was none other than Yuki Sohma himself.

_Arrrghhh_! cried inner Motoko, screaming in horror. On the outside, Motoko's pained smile twitched. _I haven't done my hair properly! My shoes don't match my outfit! I must look _hideous_!_

Yuki, meanwhile, was looking rather concerned for her mental health.

"Hello, Minagawa-senpai," said Yuki politely. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Y-yes," said Motoko, blushing. "Um… Why are you here, Yuki?" Inner Motoko instinctively cringed – she sounded so _rude! _"N-no! Forget I asked!"

"Um… I don't mind," said Yuki. "I'm here to buy instant soba noodles."

He had already bought the Tylenol for Tohru from the pharmacist's, and decided she needed to eat something as well. It would help her get better. Besides, if she truly hadn't had anything to eat since lunchtime at school, doubtless, she would be starving.

"Ah… Well…" A determined look had now set itself across Motoko's face. "I could show you where they are!"

Yuki smiled. "I think I can manage, thank you, Minagawa-senpai."

Motoko's pretty face fell. Her eyes looked downcast and cloudy. Showers were imminent.

Poor Motoko's silly, hormonal, teenaged heart was breaking.

Yuki felt a stab of guilt, for reasons he could not quite fathom. It was horrible seeing Motoko look so distressed, though. Maybe her pet goldfish had just died or something, and she wanted a bit of love and compassion?

"On second thoughts, I'd be happy if you would accompany me, Minagawa-san."

Upon hearing those kind, lovely, _princely _words, Motoko's heart skipped a beat. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Clasping her hands together, she beamed and said, "Y-yes! I would consider it an _honour_!"

"Well then, shall we go?" Yuki proffered his arm. "…Motoko-san?"

Motoko blinked. She looked from Yuki's arm, to Yuki's face, to Yuki's arm. Face. Arm. Armfacearmface. Over and over again. It was almost enough to give her whiplash.

Eyes wide, starry, trembling, she whispered, "_Oh, Yuki…_"

And then promptly collapsed into a display of pineapples.

Yuki could only watch the large, spiny fruits roll and bounce along the floor like heads from a guillotine, intense worry bubbling up inside him.

Not only was Tohru severely ill, but he had also managed to murder Motoko Minagawa.

Wasn't that just _peachy_?

* * *

**a.n: ahhh :3 i love motoko! i was worried i wouldn't be able to get her in here, because she may have graduated already. so i checked through the story, and i don't think i specified a date this all takes place at. i only say it's 'not winter', and 'quite warm'. so it could be spring? eheheh xD a few weeks before motoko graduates? i hope its consistent xD**

**btw, idk if motoko actually works in a grocery store. i had a strange feeling it was mentioned somewhere in canon, or that her parents owned a grocery store… but this may be something that happens solely in Geoduck's fanfiction, 'Motoko's New Crush'. if that's the case, i'm very sorry for using your ideas Dx**


	9. o9: Ritsu

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Nine

"_Ritsu_"

* * *

In the end, Tohru only missed one day of school. Her recovery was nothing short of miraculous, especially when Shigure kept trying to slip her more mysterious pills in her water.

Luckily, Yuki managed to catch Shigure dissolving tablets of Valium in Tohru's tea. Ever the mature, responsible one, Yuki confiscated the innocent-looking box of pills and threw them in the trashcan.

"Awww, Yuki-kun's no _fun_," Shigure had whined.

"If your idea of 'fun' is drugging up young girls, Shigure, you have some _serious_ problems."

"And Yuki-kun's so _mean_, too! I was just curious."

"Curious as to what ten _unnecessary _tablets of Valium would do to someone with a _fever_?" asked Yuki, voice half incredulous, half angry. Annoyed. Outraged.

Curiosity killed the cat – or, in this case, Tohru Honda.

If Yuki hadn't been there to defend Tohru, most likely the poor girl would be lying 10 feet under, pushing the up the daises, etc, etc.

Shigure was going to kill her if he didn't stop.

"Well, I didn't expect this plan to work anyway," shrugged Shigure. "Not now you've started acting as Tohru-kun's knight in shining armour."

Yuki flushed with embarrassment. He masked it with an irritable scowl, but knew Shigure had seen his split second of weakness.

A big, stupid, vaguely sadistic smile was plastered across the dog's face.

"_Shut up_," hissed Yuki murderously, stalking away.

And that had been that.

Yuki wasn't helping Tohru because he had a crush on her, or anything cliché like that. Besides, you'd have to be a moron not to see the way Kyo looked at her. You didn't get more 'I'm in love with you but I'm too stupid/in denial/under the assumption I'm an evil monster to admit it' than _that_.

Yuki was defending Tohru because he was only the one smart enough to thwart Shigure's schemes.

He was the only one who could.

And he didn't want Tohru to die.

He'd grown rather attached to her.

In a friendly, platonic way, that is.

* * *

When Yuki, Kyo and Tohru returned home from school that day, they were met with a rather loud cry of 'I'm not worthy!'

Actually, it was more like 'I'M NOOOOTT WOORRRTTHHHHYYYYYY!' More of a ghostly, demented, painful sort of scream.

Tohru jumped about a foot in the air.

"A-a g-g-ghost?!" she whimpered.

Yuki and Kyo, meanwhile, had paused at the threshold, and were giving each other twin looks of horror; wide eyes and open mouths.

"You don't think…?" began Yuki.

"But he _couldn't _have," said Kyo.

A loud crash interrupted their musings. A door was thrown roughly open, and into the room fell, rather gracelessly, a pretty young woman.

Well, she sure _looked _like a woman.

Her hair reached her shoulders, and was an appealing, almost mouth-watering butterscotch. Her eyes were brown, her lashes noticeably thick, and she was clad in a fetching pink kimono. She seemed a little rumpled but, overall, presentable.

At least, until she opened her mouth.

"I'm soooooo sorry, Shiiiiigguuureeee-saaaann!" cried the woman, banshee-like. "I shouldn't have come over! It was unthoughtful of me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm SORRRYYY!"

Yuki and Kyo's faces paled, drained of colour.

Disbelievingly, they turned towards the pretty woman, who lay crumpled on the floor, wailing and sobbing and apologising fit to burst.

"Oh God," breathed Yuki. "He _did_."

Shigure had invited over Ritsu Sohma.

Not a pretty woman at _all._

No pretty woman who had a working brain and an ounce of common sense would spend more than five seconds with Shigure Sohma, anyway. Not once she saw past his good looks and witnessed the blackened, withered, evil sadist within.

"Oh! Rit-chan-san!" cried Tohru, suddenly recognising the guest. She clapped her hands happily. "I haven't seen you in _ages_."

Ritsu sniffled pathetically to himself. "I don't _deserve _to see other people… I'm such a BURDEN!"

Kyo groaned.

"SEEEE?!" yelled Ritsu, pointing a shaking finger at Kyo. "He doesn't want me here either! I only get in the way! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm-"

"You don't have to be sorry, you know," said Shigure, entering the room, a heavy book tucked under his arm. "I _asked _you come over. Surely it would have been ruder if you declined my invitation?"

The monkey snivelled. "R-r-really?"

Tohru beamed her patented 'Tohru Honda Super-Special Smile!™'. She made her way over to Ritsu, tentatively taking the older man's arm.

"Here, let me help you up," she said, gently easing Ritsu to his feet.

Ritsu obliged, shaking pulling himself up. His brown eyes seemed watery, and he hiccoughed a couple of times, bringing one hand to his mouth. His shoulders were shaking terribly, as though he were suffering from shellshock.

"Don't worry, Rit-chan-san," Tohru reassured, smoothing out the creases in his kimono. "I missed you! I'm glad you're here!"

"R-r-really?"

Tohru smiled. "Really!"

Ritsu hiccoughed a few more times, cheeks wet with tears. He looked like a fair maiden from a fantasy movie – the delicate, fragile princess that needed rescuing from a fire-breathing, three-headed dragon.

It was quite cute, really.

"Why did Shigure invite you over, Rit-chan-san?" inquired Tohru sweetly.

"Um… W-w-ell y-you s-s-see… Um…" Ritsu stuttered, stumbling over words. He drew a deep breath, gathering the strength needed to continue. "Well, S-Shigure-san asked me if I w-wanted to… Um… B-borrow one of his books. He wrote it h-himself…" Ritsu blushed, cheeks stained pink. "Um… I l-like his stories?"

Kyo snorted. "Well, then, you're the only person who _does_."

"Oh, shhh, Kyonkitchi," said Shigure, waving one hand in Kyo's direction. He then proffered the heavy book to Ritsu. "Try not to cry and moan and say you're not worthy of borrowing it _this_ time, okay?"

Ritsu nodded, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "O-o-okay."

"Good. Right. Well then. It's all yours," said Shigure briskly.

Ritsu reached out to take the book.

Shigure moved away at the last moment.

There was a brief moment of confusion, a whimper, and the book slipped through Ritsu's fingers, on a collision course with the floor. Tohru moved forwards to catch the escaped book (which was roughly the same weight as a small brick)-

Only to have it hit her on the head.

_Hard._

Stars exploded before Tohru's eyes, before dissipating into darkness. Her knees buckled, her head throbbed painfully, and – in one fluid motion – she collapsed onto the floor, in a dead faint.

Out cold.

The second time in a matter of days.

Maybe she'd been born under an unlucky star?

"Tohru-kun!"

"Honda-san!"

Both Kyo and Yuki moved forwards, kneeling beside the injured girl. Yuki checked for any bruising on her head, whilst Kyo worked himself up into a panic, angrily cursing every God under the sun.

Ritsu could only stand there.

Staring.

His eyes widened to comic proportions, and his fingers began to tremble – his skin lily white – whilst his breathing became shallow and nervous. He glanced at his hands and exhaled sharply, as though they were covered in blood.

"Rit-chan."

Ritsu turned jerkily to stare at Shigure. The monkey was still shaking. Anyone would've thought he'd just seen a ghost.

"You're so _clumsy_," berated Shigure, shaking his head. "Look. _Look_!" He waved an arm towards Tohru's prone form. "You could've _seriously _injured Tohru-kun! Look at what your thoughtless actions did! What if she doesn't get better? What then?" And, just to nail the lid on the coffin, Shigure said, "I bet you're not even _sorry_."

And, just as expected - just as Shigure Sohma had carefully orchestrated - Ritsu Sohma broke down.

"NOOOOooOOoOoOoooo**OOOooOoooOOoOoOooooOoOoOo**!" his voice wavered, going between high and low at an incredible speed. "I'm so sorry! I'm so so so SO SO SOOOOOOOOO SORRRRRYYYyYyYyYYYYYyYyY! Please forgive me! I'm so** USELESS** and **STUPID **and **CLUMSY**!!!!! I'm a **DISGRACE**! I don't deserve to live! I don't _deserve _to! FORGIVE MEEEEE!"

And with that, Ritsu turned and fled, leaving everyone (sans Tohru, who was still unconscious) with a huge headache and a strange desire to throttle something.

Namely Ritsu.

Yuki, however, still managed to remain calm and rational.

His eyes narrowed into a hard glare, directed at Shigure.

"_You _dropped that book," he said icily. "_You. _Not Ritsu. And you _knew_ he'd freak out like that! Why did you have to make it _worse_?"

Shigure shrugged. "For fun?"

"Oh my God, you're _such _an ass," Yuki swore, rather uncharacteristically. He then brought his hand to meet his head – the literal definition of 'facepalm'. "Alright, Kyo," he said, once the moment of desperation had passed. "You stay and look after Tohru. I'm going to find Ritsu. Make sure he doesn't do anything _stupid._"

* * *

It didn't take Yuki very long to find Ritsu. After all, a cross-dressing member of the zodiac stood on your roof, shouting incoherently and readying to jump, thus ending his life, isn't exactly hard to miss.

_Honestly._

Ritsu was about as subtle as Kagura would've been, dancing stark naked on a park bench singing 'please marry meeee, Kyo-kun~' to the Pok_é_mon theme tune.

If Ritsu didn't want to bother anyone, _why_ did he have to advertise his suicide attempt to the whole neighbourhood? It was so… So… So _contradictory _and _stupid _Yuki couldn't even _begin _to wrap his head around it.

All in all, it took eighty-nine minutes **and** the combined efforts of Yuki and Tohru (once she recovered) to coax Ritsu off the roof and into the living room.

Unfortunately, during Ritsu's suicide attempt, it had started raining.

It was _still _raining now, the droplets beating hard against the windowpanes, the sky steely blue and downcast.

Ritsu's kimono was now soaked, his hair plastered to his face, _and _he had a cold.

"I'm s-s-sorry… R-really…" he sniffled, curled up on the sofa, sipping a cup of jasmine tea Tohru had brewed for him. Tohru had also put his wet clothes in the wash, and lent the man one of her dresses. As Ritsu was fairly slight and skinny, it fitted him just fine, though it was a tad too short, only just reaching the tops of his knees. "I-I-I'm such a p-pain, r-really…"

"We all have our off days, Rit-chan-san," beamed Tohru. "Don't worry about it!"

"I-I g-guess…" Ritsu sneezed forlornly. "R-really, Y-Yuki-kun… K-Kyo-kun… A-and Tohru-kun… You're all so _nice_. I don't deserve it."

"Oh, I don't mind!" said Tohru brightly. "I'm not angry!"

_No, _thought Shigure, massaging his temple. _You __never__ get angry, Tohru-kun. That's your __**problem.**_

"Say…" said the brunette, suddenly struck by an idea. "Why don't you stay here for the night, Rit-chan-san? You need lots of rest to heal your cold! You could sleep in my room and-"

"NOOOoOoOoOooooOooOoO! I'M SORRY! I'M SUCH A BOTHER!!!!!"

* * *

**a.n: tohru gets hurt an awful lot in this xD  
& aww, i love ritsu! he's so awesome! whilst writing this chapter, i was thinking 'ritsu/tohru would be **_**so**_** cute', eheheh xD –squeals- ah, i feel like writing some ritsu/tohru now xDDD**


	10. 1o: Double Date

**I Hate You More Than Anyone  
**Chapter Ten

"_Double Date_"

* * *

At long last, the weekend rolled by; a tranquil oasis amidst the stress of school, homework and fangirls.

That week had been especially tiring for both Yuki and Kyo. There had been Tohru's fever… Motoko Minagawa collapsing into a display of pineapples… Ritsu's botched suicide attempt… And, finally, the need to protect Tohru from Shigure's scheming, which was a _lot _more difficult that it sounded.

Shigure Sohma was _sneaky_.

Luckily, the combined forces of Yuki and Kyo were enough to defeat him. Or, at the very least, throw a fairly sizable spanner in the works.

Yuki had the brains, Kyo the raw emotion and short temper. Alone, they were weak, but together, they were strong.

Or some crap like that, anyway.

However, it wasn't like Yuki or Kyo would _acknowledge _their newly formed alliance.

Their pride wouldn't allow it.

Plus, there was the whole 'cat hates rat and vice versa' thing, that'd been going on in the Sohma family for twelve generations or so. Give or take.

Family rivalry beside the point, both Yuki and Kyo were exhausted. It was no joke, looking out for something as innocent and oblivious as Tohru Honda, who didn't so much attract danger, as wear a giant, neon sign that proclaimed '**COME AND ABUSE ME. I WON'T RETALIATE.**'

Needless to say, both the cat and the rat were very, very grateful when the weekend finally arrived. The weekend heralded rest. Relaxation. Recuperation.

Inner peace.

And then Shigure _had_ to go drop the bombshell.

The Sohma family, plus honorary family member, Tohru, were sat around the breakfast table. It was Saturday morning. The sun was shining, birds were singing, etc, etc. Yuki was lazily helping himself to some cereal, Kyo leaning back in his chair.

And then Shigure caught them all _completely_ off guard.

"Hey, guys! You're going to see a movie with Kagura today! She phoned earlier, and I said sure, you'd _love _to watch that new zombie-filled slashing/hacking/killing thing with her! Isn't that _great?!_"

Yuki blinked.

Kyo stared.

Time seemed to stand still.

"Z-z-zombies?" Tohru stuttered, skin ashen. "Slashing? Hacking? _Killing?_" As she spoke, her voice steadily grew softer and softer, more filled with terror. She practically whispered the last word; a choked, fear-filled stutter.

"That's **right**! Give the girl a prize!" beamed Shigure, clapping. He sounded like a cheesy talk show host. If you swapped his kimono for a suit, he'd _look _like a cheesy talk show host, too. "Kagura and Kyo, Yuki and Tohru, all going to see a movie! Isn't that _romantic?_ It could be like a double date!"

The 'play' button was suddenly hit by some great, unseen entity. Time unfroze, but refused to pass normally. Instead, it sped up.

The severity of Shigure's statement hit Kyo, Yuki and Tohru square on, like a tonne of bricks, leaving devastating results.

_Kagura?_

_Double date?!_

_**Zombies????**_

Yuki almost choked on his spoon.

Kyo overbalanced on his chair crashed onto the floor.

And all Tohru could do was sit there and shiver.

_Ding! Ding! Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingding-_

Some maniac was hammering on the doorbell.

You get three guesses as to who it was.

"Kyo~kuuuun!" cried a shrill, female voice. "Kyo~kuuun, we're going on a _date_! You _can't _bail out on me! Shigure-san said you'd come~ I'll, like, cry and sob and **break your neck **if you don't! Teehee~ Oh, I'm so adorable!"

And two of those guesses don't count.

* * *

"Yay, yay, Kyoo~kuuuun~" sang Kagura cheerily. The brunette had her arms linked with Kyo's. The pair may have seemed like a cute couple, but there was absolutely _nothing _'cute' about the death-grip Kagura had Kyo in.

She was almost breaking his arm.

It **hurt**, damnit!

Kyo winced, trying to pull away. His attempts were futile. Kagura's grip intensified tenfold. She was like a little kid playing tug-of-war with their favourite teddy; stubborn and unwilling to let go.

"This is going to be _soooo _much fun!" squealed Kagura, resting her head on Kyo's shoulder.

Kyo tried to push it off.

Kagura squeezed his ensnared arm, vice-like, not caring whether she snapped it off or not.

The cat hissed in pain, and decided there wasn't any point spurning Kagura's romantic advances. Not if his right arm was at stake. Huffily, he allowed the boar to rest her head on his shoulder as they walked, his masculine pride be damned. It never lasted very long around Kagura, anyway.

Why bother pretending _he _was the one in control?

"Don't you think this is gonna be fuuuun, Tohru-chan?" sang Kagura buoyantly, rubbing her head against Kyo's neck, oblivious to the cat's steadily mounting temper. Or maybe she _was_, and just didn't care.

"Um…" Tohru frowned, hands clasped. "I think it will be fun… Yes." She nodded, trying to reassure herself just as much as Kagura. "It _will_ be fun, I _will _enjoy it. It _will_ be fun, I _will_ enjoy it…" Her voice trailed away weakly.

"Honda-san," said Yuki, placing a reassuring hand on Tohru's shoulder.

The girl started in alarm, blinking, jerking her head round.

"O-oh… W-what is it?"

Yuki sighed. This had to be some new scheme of Shigure's, he _knew_ it. But what would he gain by making Tohru watch a scary movie, apart from traumatising her? And who would want to do _that? _You'd have to be really cruel. Reading between the lines; you'd have to be Shigure Sohma.

Figured.

"Just be careful, Honda-san," said Yuki. "Don't push yourself too hard. If you think it's too scary, we can leave."

"No!" Tohru shook her head. "I wouldn't want to spoil it for you!"

Yuki pondered.

Tohru really _was_ too nice for her own good.

No wonder everyone tried to take advantage of her.

* * *

"_Brains… Brains… Brrraaaiiiiinnnssss…"_

"_N-no! Stay away! Stay back! Please! No! __**Noooooo!**__"_

_Screaming._

_Ripping, clawing, gouging._

_Blood._

The camera panned out of the 'horrific' scene (a young woman being ravaged by living corpses), and the credits began to roll.

Yuki yawned, thoroughly unimpressed with the stupid movie. For one, the mere concept of zombies was ridiculous. And just how big was that movie's budget, anyway? It looked pretty cheap. You could tell those 'zombies' were random people found off the street, smeared with make-up. And killing off the main character? That wasn't an _ending_. That was the script writers being lazy, unable to think of a way to tie up all the loose ends. What a rip-off.

Kyo, too, was not a happy bunny, though this was less to do with the movie (senselessly violent flicks were always semi-entertaining in his eyes), and more to do with Kagura.

She couldn't keep her hands to herself.

She was like a freakin' _octopus._

Throughout the movie she'd been trying to cuddle, kiss, and do any number of sickening things Kyo really, _really _didn't want to do in public. Or in private, for that matter. _Ever_.

At least, not with Kagura.

Her overenthusiastic advances had managed to knock the tub of popcorn out of Kyo's lap, onto the floor, a mere five seconds into the title sequence.

Kyo was in _mourning_ for his popcorn.

Tohru, on the other hand, was white.

Her skin literally resembled _paper._

She looked even deader than the stupid zombies in the movie.

"Honda-san?" asked Yuki, waving a hand across the girls' face. She seemed a little out of it. During the movie, her eyes had been strangely glazed, and she'd been rocking back and forth in her seat, humming to herself. "Honda-san, are you okay?"

"I'm fine…" said Tohru, voice quavering. "Just f-f-fine."

"You're shivering," Yuki pointed out.

"It's c-cold in here!"

"…No it isn't."

Torhu whimpered and cowered in her seat, placing her hands over her mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

Yuki's eyes widened in alarm. "Honda-san, please hold it in. You should've _told _me before if you were going to be…" He broke off.

Tohru's face was looking very green.

"No, Honda-san, get it together! We'll go look for the restroom, okay? You'll be alright… You'll…" But attempting to reason with a nauseous person was like arguing with the weather. It would carry on, regardless of what you said and did, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

It was the circle of life, baby.

Thus, in one fluid motion, Tohru Honda tilted her head, and was violently, _disgustingly _sick all over Yuki Sohma's lap.

* * *

Shigure, of course, thought Yuki's plight was incredibly funny. He spent a good ten minutes laughing at his cousin and the wet stain on his pants. When it seemed he was about to stop, he'd pause, take another glance at Yuki's sodden clothes, and then burst into fresh peals of laughter.

_Bastard._

The laughter only stopped when Yuki punched him on the nose.

* * *

**a.n: a stuper-speedy update 'cause i'm going on holiday tomorrow, so i wanted to get another chapter up xD i hope you like it~  
everyone gets screwed around so much in this fic xD it's quite fun :D mwahahaha.**


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